The next decade was filled with many jobs and moves and what seemed to make no sense to anyone (not even to me), and yet with every big decision I made, I sensed strongly that it was a yes to Him. That’s what mattered most.
Three years later, I did go on that 11-month mission trip around the world and made a commitment to stay single. Timing is everything. When I finally surrendered to that call at 25, for the first time in my life, I actually found peace about being single. I began to get a tangible taste of what being satisfied in Him feels like. What freedom! Sometimes our grip is too tight, and the only way to find rest is to let go and lean into Him.
The years went by and my heart felt broken up and scattered all over the world in a way that I felt it could never be recovered. The Lord was expanding my heart, deepening my faith, and drawing me to Him. Since I first ventured from home at 22, I have lived in 3 states, travelled to 28 countries, and called Malaysia home for 4 years. I’m now happily back in my home state of Mississippi.
Have things turned out the way that I thought they would? Not even remotely. But I will tell you that I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for my plan. Our daily yeses to Him build a foundation to say yes when it comes to that first big leap of faith. It’s like building up a muscle. If we want to discover the more of God and who we were really created to be, we must relinquish our perceived control, with no fallback plan, and make room so the Holy Spirit can move.
This year I celebrated turning 34, and yes, I’m still single. I’m also (to my surprise) not miserable! I’m here to tell you that I’d rather spend one day in His presence than a lifetime anywhere else. Am I still praying for marriage and a family? Absolutely. But I do not bow to that false idol any longer. My value is not attached to it like it once was.
Some days lies seems louder than truth, but I have enough history with Him now to know that I will be okay and that I actually am okay. I am valuable because I am His. I’ve come to realize that this entire time God’s been more concerned with me being His daughter than anything else.
Until I breathe my last or Jesus returns, may my life song sing a continual yes to Him.